How Abusers Use Isolation to Undermine Independence

By Sarah Omo-Emevor

A healthy support system can make all the difference during difficult times. Friends, family, coworkers, and mentors often provide encouragement, practical help, and a sense of belonging. In abusive relationships, however, those connections are frequently targeted first through isolation.

According to the World Health Organization, nearly one in three women worldwide will experience intimate partner violence during their lifetime. While physical abuse often receives the most attention, isolation is another powerful tactic that can quietly undermine a survivor's confidence, career, and financial independence.

Isolation is one of the most common, and yet, least recognized forms of domestic abuse. Rather than using only physical control, an abuser may slowly separate a survivor from the people and opportunities that provide emotional, social, and financial support. Over time, this isolation can affect every part of a survivor's life, including their career.

What Does Isolation Look Like?

Isolation rarely begins with obvious signs. It often starts with subtle behaviours that become more controlling over time. An abuser may discourage spending time with friends, criticize family members, monitor phone calls or messages, or create conflict whenever the survivor makes plans with others. They may also convince the survivor that no one else understands or cares about them.

As these behaviours continue, survivors can become increasingly disconnected from the people they once relied on. This loss of support often makes it harder to recognize abuse or seek help.

The Impact on Careers

Isolation doesn't stop at home. It can also affect a survivor's professional life. For example, someone experiencing abuse may miss networking opportunities, struggle to maintain workplace relationships, or feel pressured to leave a job altogether. Constant stress and emotional exhaustion can make it difficult to concentrate, perform well at work, or pursue promotions and further education.

Without supportive colleagues or mentors, rebuilding confidence becomes even more challenging. Over time, survivors may begin to doubt their own abilities, despite having the skills and potential to succeed.

Financial Independence Becomes Difficult 

Career setbacks often lead to financial challenges. When survivors lose income or employment opportunities, they may become more financially dependent on the abusive partner. At the same time, isolation can reduce access to people who might otherwise provide temporary housing, childcare, transportation, or employment referrals. This combination of emotional isolation and financial dependence can make leaving an abusive relationship much more difficult.

Rebuilding Supportive Relationships

Recovery begins with reconnecting. Whether it's reaching out to a trusted friend, joining a support group, speaking with a career coach, or accessing services from a domestic violence organization, rebuilding supportive relationships can help survivors regain confidence and independence.

Employers also have an important role to play. A compassionate workplace, flexible policies, and access to resources can make a meaningful difference for employees experiencing domestic violence.

A Path Forward 

Isolation is designed to make survivors feel alone, but no one should have to rebuild their life in isolation. With the right support, survivors can reconnect with their communities, rebuild their careers, and regain financial independence. Every step toward connection is also a step toward healing, stability, and hope.

No one deserves to face abuse alone, and reaching out for support can be the first step toward reclaiming safety, confidence, and independence.

References

• Adams, A. E., Sullivan, C. M., Bybee, D., & Greeson, M. R. (2008). Development of the Scale of Economic Abuse. Violence Against Women, 14(5), 563–588. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801208315529

• Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Preventing Intimate Partner Violence. https://www.cdc.gov/intimate-partner-violence/prevention/index.html

• National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Isolation. https://www.thehotline.org/resources/isolation/

• National Network to End Domestic Violence. (n.d.). Economic Justice. https://nnedv.org/content/economic-justice/

• Safe at Work Coalition. (n.d.). Domestic Violence and the Workplace. https://www.safeatworkcoalition.org/